another word for

I tend to use Thesaurus.com more than I would like to confess. I don't know what it is about the English language but it seems to be missing so many words. I scroll through scores of synonyms, trying to find that perfect word to match that "idea" in my brain. I usually settle for a word slightly resembling what I think should be used. Either I'm terrible at expressing myself in English, or the language does lack a few concise words.

PS: Thesaurus.com was not used in the writing of this post.

PSS: I discovered lime-flavoured Perrier tonight. The greatest discovery of my week.

PSSS: Go rent the Painted Veil.

all on my lonesome

I'm just rolling ahead at full speed into my holidays. And Holiday Mode is exactly where I'm happy to be. I'm glad to say that I've accomplished a lot so far, and that I haven't wasted too much time bumming around watching tv or sleeping in. Today I took a break from the painting I'm working on for my friends, and decided to spend some me-time at the park. Not too many years ago, I would have never went on an outing all on my lonesome. But I did today, and it felt great. I did a few laps on my rollerblades at the park with mp3's in my back pocket, then settled in on my mexican blanket underneath the evergreen trees for some reading, writing, and contemplation. Being alone is not so bad, but when I got home I was looking forward to going out and seeing people. Alone time for me should come in little doses - but they still are much-needed - as I'm finding in these two weeks. Aaaaw, the freedom. I'm enjoying it while it lasts.

laptopping

I'm surprised to find that there aren't that many free wireless internet locations in Winnipeg. The only ones that I know of are Garage Café (which is super good because they have THE best cappucinos in town), and Espresso Junction. They also have good cappucinos, but the va-et-viens of the hallway-like table layout is a little uncomfortable for laptop users (you never know who's walking up behind you and peering at your screen).

So I went online to check up on other Winnipeg locations that have free wireless internet. Supposedly Finales and Bar Italia have free access. And I just found out that some Boston Pizza locations have free wireless internet. But who would want to surf the web in between sloppy bites of fettucine alfredo?

Many years ago I started towing with the idea of opening up and internet café. I went as far as researching it, and even meeting with a women's enterprise center counselor to help kick start a business plan, but nothing ever came of it. I definitely think there should be more cafés in Winnipeg with free wireless internet. Especially for me in the next few weeks of holidays - I spend a big chunk of my day online and I'd like to stay out of the house as much as possible. Living with the parents isn't the same now that I'm further along in my 20s. I need my space more than I originally realized. I can't wait to move out again! So in the mean time, I'll have to settle for the few locations that do have free internet. Anyone know of any other locations?

Changing shoes

I found my little red Duffs in a big store in the biggest mall in Minneapolis. I fell in love with them. And they were cheap! I was so proud of them, and I made sure everyone at work got to drool over them. I was so infatuated by these little red runners that my co-worker and I declared "Red Shoe Day" and invited everyone to come in the next day with red shoeware to celebrate.

I bought them the same weekend I went to see Sigur Ros live in concert at the Orpheum Theatre. I don't know what it is that makes my red shoes so magical, but it's not just their colour. I think it's because that weekend centered around the best music I had ever seen live, and anything attached to that experience, red duffs included, turned into something magical and extravagant. My senses were alive, and so were these shoes.

This was over a year ago. Since then, my poor shoes weathered an unfortunate run with a wet paintball field. No less than 2 months after they were pulled out from the crisp tissue paper folds of the box, I wore them on a tv shoot for work - at a paintball place. I didn't think ahead of time. I came home with paint stains in all primary colours all over their red coat. I scrubbed them madly. The result? A faded red coat. Not pink... but it definitely lost its original radiance.

Nevertheless, I could not disown my little red shoes - which had become my pride and joy, the topic of many conversations and the object of an office-wide holiday.

My shoes lost its rich red coat almost on day one. But I have worn them through, even until today. They now have a few tiny holes shredded through on the sides and they have morphed and stretched into uneven shapes. But they're still my little red shoes.

I weathered a big month this August. It's getting rougher by the day, but it's really Change I'm feeling right now. I've seen two of my closest friends move away, I'm approaching my last day at my favourite place of work, and I'm gearing up for a year of scholastic unknowns. I'm learning to take the time to mourn the departure of friends, and the departure of a good phase in life. I'm recognizing that Change highlights the value of the past and confirms that there is something worth missing. Its worth is emphasized in the extent of the sadness. Change is only good when it's sad, yet hopeful of the unknowns.

The state of my red shoes is sad. But it's only sad because I know what they used to look like and when I wear them, I remember that glorious walk as I left the Orpheum Theatre. I just look at my feet and I can't help but smile, though I know that one day soon I'll find a newer, more exciting pair of shoes.

I think I see green in my future.

Oh, change, and all the fun we have writing about it.

I'm cooped up in my room, listening to the squirrels chirp outside (yes, chirp), and watching too many movie trailers online. I'm also watching my last days at work quickly winding down and a much-needed change coming slower than I wanted. School looms around the corner and I've had too much time to anticipate it. But still I know September will come faster than I want while I watch two of my good friends moving away, one provinces away, and another continents away. I'll also have to close the book on a job that's been just as much a place of friends as it's been a wonderful learning experience. Not only that, but I'll be stepping out of a comfortable routine I've carefully nurtured since escaping high school. I have very specific expectations for school, but I also know that I have a lot of unknowns to encounter. I'm expecting growth and revelations, but at the same time, I'm learning to find joy in defeat. I have much more to learn, of which the most important will probably happen outside of class. I think school will become my new context, and new and old friends will take the place of the ones leaving and the ones I'm leaving, but I hope change won't become my excuse to "rediscover" life. That happens whether you're looking for it or not.

As much as life transitions are significant (and fun to anticipate), I think putting so much value on them takes the significance out of life. I have to remember that it's not where I've been, where I'm going, what I'm doing, and who I'm doing it with or for. I think it's more about how much I can relate to life immediately around me. Sometimes we seek change so that we have an excuse for tuning out of life when it seems to have expired around us.

Yes, I'm excited about change, but at the same time, I have to remember that you can't invest in change - you can only invest in your immediate surroundings. I think that's what I think. Well, at least, I know that's what I'm thinking now. My trains of thoughts might alter a bit once I'm chin-deep in school.

amillionmilesanhour

Bzzzzzzzzzzzz - I feel the two shots of espresso swimming in my veins. Garage Café on Provencher Boulevard is the best place in Winnipeg to have coffee. And, as I found out today, the best way to get a coffee buzz.

Woooow wired.

Watching Hot Fuzz tonight. Rhymes with buzz.

Off to pick up sushi. I'm spoiling my taste buds today!

les photos de ma semaine

Photography school is creeping around the corner. I can't wait. Partly because I won't have to work for a year, and will spend all my time doing, learning and swimming in photography, and partly because I will finally brush up on some much-needed skills.

I had a good practice week though. I got up at 4:50am on Monday to take sunrise pictures. Yes. I did. On my day off. And I even managed to convince another photo-bug to come along with me. The sun was pretty cool (huge red ball of fire at the horizon), and the subsequent shoot in a sunny sunflower field was fun. (not to mention breakfast at Starbucks in between. I got to see all the grumpy morning faces of the extra-early customers. It's pretty amusing.)

Tonight I took engagement pictures for a young couple. It's my third time doing an engagement shoot - and they're all the same: Girl's idea. Boy feels awkward. They manage to be lovey-dovey. And by the end they end up enjoying it. Though it's hard when you've got crowds of park-goers gawking and saying, "Oh, she must be a photographer." and then staring and studying the couple "doing their thing". All this while the couple's supposed to look like they don't feel like anyone's watching them. Not to mention the huge lens, and the curious ducks and even a poodle.

On the way home I picked up my roll of black and white pictures from Blacks. Finally! I got back into film, after almost two years of neglect as my digital camera took precedence. My film camera literally had collected dust. I'm so glad I whipped it out last month. Though I do see my need to go to photography school - composition was a little sucky, and the fact that Blacks was at all involved in the finished product makes me feel a little inferior as a photographer.

I never thought I'd ever look forward to school! I'm counting down the days...